four weeks ago we got a phone call from our painter. he was looking for a job, between a few others jobs he had. we didn't have any real estate projects for him, so we debated and decided this was the time to move forward with painting our house. a project we have wanted to do since we moved in almost five years ago.
the project grew in our mind to possibly new floors, new baseboard, repainted kitchen cupboards, new banisters, tile, and more.
and then it shrunk back down to new paint. walls, ceilings, and baseboards.
we've been wrapped in paper and plastic and paint fumes for four weeks and will for a couple of more.
although i didn't choose the colors of our house when we moved in, i had made them work at a "make do and mend" season of my life. and then i had kinda grown to love them, just because they housed us and had been the backdrop for so many memories. at one point, as we looked at hundreds of tiny paint swatches and patches of sample paint i had brushed on the walls, we wondered if we should just repaint the same colors and make it fresh. a silly idea really, when we were wanting a change. but i wasn't sure how I would feel when neutral walls erased our colorful rooms. the kids began to mutiny and ask what we would call the rooms we had lovingly referred to by their colors. ah, what if we changed it all and it looked worse, not better? at least we knew what we currently had, and all my décor would match this way.
i have about 15 sample paint cans i had mixed and yet we came back to the same two colors we had originally chosen before we even started the project. fresh, clean, simple, neutral.
and so the painting began. primer replaced green, red, yellow, blue and beat-up white.
last week, there was only one patch of that sunny yellow left on my hallway, it hadn't been primed over yet. i wasn't sure if I was ready to move forward and lose it. i worried if our family would be as happy if we weren't cocooned in yellow.
i reached out my hand and pressed it against the yellow wall and whispered a "thank you" (marie kondo style) to our paint. i wasn't expecting to sob, but i did. i leaned my head against it and had a rush of memories and gratitude for that happy hallway that had housed us. it was the moment i needed to move forward with fresh paint.
now, i'm pausing again, resting my head in a sense and thanking the experiences, people and things that have shaped and formed me. and i'm looking forward to moving forward.
i've been practicing "letting go" for almost five years. when we moved here, i read clear your clutter with feng shui, and let go. i let go of so much stuff my mother-in-law still recalls it with disbelief and horror and points out all the perfectly good things i let go of that she rescued from my d.i. bags. some of which are sitting on her shelves or housing her fresh flowers.
the criterion of that purge, was similar to the criterion that marie kondo outlines in her book the life-changing magic of tidying up, "does is spark joy." when you hold the item, does it spark joy? if so it stays. if not, it goes.
and this was the practice i loved that i hadn't consciously incorporated before as i've let things go, to express gratitude for the item before sending it on its way.
with a fresh coat of paint, with all my pictures and décor gone,it has allowed me to envision something new. i'm not even exactly sure what yet.
i'm not who i was when i started my blog ten years ago. in fact, i just passed my ten year blog anniversary last week. i had secret plans of putting all my favorite posts together in a little book and having a big before mother's day party in celebration. for years i have identified myself in many specific ways. but, i want to be this version of myself.
this is my start.