i felt like i needed to pull in and back at the new year.
i needed to hear my voice.
i needed to not be overwhelmed, and distracted by all the voices i choose to hear each day.
so, i declared a social media break.
it turned out to be a break-ish.
i wanted to break my habit of using social media checks as five minute time fillers throughout the day.
it was hard. embarrassingly hard the first few days.
at first i wasn't going to post anything during this time. but i really love posting and recording. so, i did. but tried to only check in occasionally on everything else.
but, there were lots of times i needed to check in on facebook, for other groups i'm a part of.
i decided that was okay. the point was i needed to get to a point where i could use it as a tool. pinterest for writing, or an ocassional pick-me-up. instagram for family records and checking in on friends. tools, not time wasters.
and then near the end of the month we needed to save our mountains.
and i put out a call on facebook.
more than once.
and then after driving around collecting signatures i found myself on the street corner;), for a couple of hours trying to wave down cars to get the needed signatures.
tim happened to be driving by and he flipped around and took a video of me. i was thrilled when he pulled up. do you know what song was playing on the radio. . .
brave.
the song i listened to just about every day before i wrote my story, crown of stars.
and all of this (with a few other experiences over the month) made me realize something important.
i was not given a voice to be silent.
i was given a voice to wave down people for causes i believe in. to talk gently, through tears, on couches to friends who need encouragement. to feel embarrassed and vulnerable when i speak at church. i was given a voice to talk about hard things, and beautiful things. i was given a voice to bring stories to life. i was given a voice to record moments for my children.
i learned some things that i needed to--some boundaries i want to set for myself with social media.
but i learned some things, as a consequence, that i hadn't expected to.
that i was not meant to be silent.
it reminded me a bit of the video by elder holland, "wrong roads."
"That [going down the wrong road] was the quickest way for the Lord to give them information--in this case, which one was the wrong road. Now, though the other road might be familiar and could be difficult in places, they could proceed confidently, knowing it was the right one."
because for me. . .
"nothing's gonna hurt the way the words do
when the settle 'neath your skin.
kept on the inside with no sunlight,
sometimes a shadow wins."
so, here's to (continuing) to be brave in 2015.