last week i fell.
hard.
it was a tornado of several things. . .but it all boiled down to me feeling like a failure.
as a mother,
homemaker,
an everything-er.
even as a hobbyiest.
seriously, how can one feel like a failure at a hobby?
but it brought me down low and made me come face to face with some pretty deep issues about myself. . .
which meant then i could try to work on them.
and yesterday afternoon i felt a huge shift. followed by moment after moment of light and kairos.
there were two things i finally did this week that i have been advised to do for four years. sometimes i am slow at learning. but, sometimes i think that's okay. things take awhile to process. it all works out. a good reminder to be patient with ourselves, or others.
so i kinda hit a rock bottom, and was able to bounce back up. and it reminded me of this post i wrote several years ago about failure.
last night tim and i watched mom's night out. for the first thirty minutes we laughed so hard, i had to lean forward and clutch my stomach to breathe. at one point (while the mom is in the closet having a melt-down) tim asked looking around, "are there cameras in our house?" if you want to know what i'm really like, when i'm not with you, this movie might give you a pretty good idea:). and there is tim (like the husband in the movie), bringing home flowers again and trying to talk me down again.
but, i show up.
again.
and sometimes, just sometimes, i am rewarded with a flood of kairos in one night to give me a glimpse of what the bagpipes might sound like.
skyler made an impromptu "cooking show" during dinner prep. i filmed him making salad and quinoa salad and it was pretty much adorbs.
how can you go wrong when raw chocolate and coconut oil are involved? these are the cookies (made by 'raw melissa') i am willing to buy for $1 a piece at good earth when i am too lazy to make them.
these moment of kairos were followed by some awesome bonding time with davis and his new hedgehog. while we were cleaning out his cage. seriously.
and then tim came home late and skyler was DYING to read mo willems elephant and piggie book with him (skyler is SO excited about these books).
then we had family prayer all on my bed. all five of us, with roxy (our dog) and hedgie (the hedgehog). skyler laughed his head off all through the prayer, but for once i didn't feel like giving up. i felt like this was just as it should be.
highs and lows and try agains.