bronwyn, breathing with the rhythm of the waves (also, that is the first time i have spelled the word rhythm correctly in perhaps my entire life).
sometimes i switch up my meditation practice. on sunday i finished a 21-day meditation experience by deepak chopra and oprah called, "expanding your happiness." this is the fourth 21-day experience of this type that i have completed.
i don't often feel anything special while i am doing it (well, other than calm--which is great). you guys, meditation is subtle but crazy powerful. this time i was able to see some major shifts, just spending twenty minutes before i got out of bed or at night listening with my headphones. suddenly inspiration came more quickly, in lots of areas. for example, i was waking up early and writing my manuscript like a mad woman. it was like something released and clicked and it was all pretty much awesome.
the 21-day experiences are FREE during those 21 days. this time i knew i wanted to have these available at all times on my phone, so i purchased this set (i have listened to each of these). i wanted to share this essay i wrote about using healing words.
Scrolling Words Across our Hearts
One morning I woke up--in that hazy moment between sleep and wake--with the thought surfacing from my soul: "Words are written on your body."
Elder Bruce R. McConkie wrote, "In a real though figurative sense, the book of life is the record of the acts of men as such record is written in their own bodies. It is the record engraven on the very bones, sinews, and flesh of the mortal body. That is, every thought, word, and deed has an effect on the human body; all these leave their marks…" Mantra meditation has been a chance for me to choose beautiful words that sink deep into my body, mind, and heart, making a record of the things I focus on.
The first mantra I chose was simple, “I am [blank]” and then I filled in the blank with things I wanted to become.
I chose, "I am light."
Other days I would say, "I am gentle." "I am kind." "I am brave."
I imagined light filling my body on the inhale and anything that wasn’t serving me would leave on the exhale. Once, while practicing this, my thoughts got ‘stuck’ in my heart and I felt like there was some black gunk at the bottom. I focused on exhaling that depressing debris and realized it was a parcel of lies. It was a gob of untruths; things that were hurting me. And what were the lies? They were negative thoughts about myself, years of hurtful self-talk.
Years of "I'm not a very good mom. I'm not good at working out. So-and-so is better than me. I'm out of control. I'm depressed."
Layers and layers of lies I had told myself at different times of my life. Most of them boiled down to one: "I'm not good enough."
It took more than one day of meditating on this to "loosen them" and watch them lift, like cement from a pan that has been soaking for a couple of days--loosened enough to float out on an exhale. While most days of positive mantras were lovely and nice, this day I sobbed and shook, at the negativity I had been holding inside. Some of it came out later during a yoga set for Releasing Inner Anger when I realized how angry I was with myself. Part of the set involves pounding the floor, yelling and bringing up any angry thoughts. I brought up the hurts I had expected to, and then under all of that I realized I was so mad. . .at myself. Mad for my failings. Mad for not being perfect and I cried as I beat the floor. After, I felt so much peace, because I had been able to let it go.
Felice's parenting affirmations have been life-changing (everyone give yourself a gift and buy them!!!), one says, "I am grateful for my children who bring up unhealed parts of me." Sometimes, if I can take a moment to step back when some billowing anger, fear, frustration or stress surfaces, I can see it is an unhealed part of me and this is a chance for me to face it. Kundalini Yoga has given me the tools to deal with it. Sometimes I have to sit with it for awhile and see what the trigger was. Most often it is an untruth. It is a lie I have believed, most often about myself or sometimes about others.
Most of those lies sounded something like, "I am not good enough."
I can't think of anything more strangling and soul-sucking. But sadly, I've told those lies to myself too many times.
As I focused through meditation on releasing angry words and lies about myself, I began to question. What are we scrolling on ourselves? Are we writing tender words, in our favorite purple pen? Or are we scribbling out harsh judgments across our skin? Are we carrying around others’ words that do not fit us in our stomachs or on the bottom of our feet?
Also, what are we "writing" on others with our words? Are we painting "courage" across their chest with a wet paintbrush? Or do our harsh words leave imprints, deeper than the ink. Like when you press too hard on your notebook and you can read the imprinted word for pages underneath?
This year, I've been changing the words that I have written on myself.
One of my favorite mantras is “I am beautiful. I am bountiful. I am blissful. I am. I am.”
My daughter and I sat down one day, cross-legged, and I asked if she would choreograph a Celestial Communication (meditation dance) with me for that mantra. She made up the movements and I followed her. As a parent, I wanted those words to permeate deep into her skin.
I wanted to write them across her, “You are beautiful. You are bountiful. You are bliss.”
Even more than that, I wanted her to be able to write those words across her own skin. That she could see the power of her own self. I hoped that the music, the movements, and the mantra would help her body to memorize and embody those words. That this mantra would come to her later, when she doubted, and she would hear them in her mind, affirming her worth.
Each year I choose a word or phrase to guide my year. One year it was “All is Well.” I chose that phrase when all was NOT well. Yet, the words worked deep into my heart, soul and life. There came a point when I began to sing it and could say I was no longer hoping for all to be well, but truly all was well. I had chosen to write it in my mind, until it was written on my heart.
Other phrases, mantras and scriptures became part of me and as Elder Richard G. Scott affirms, they helped heal me: "Scriptures can be a key to unlock revelation and the guidance and inspiration of the Holy Ghost. Scriptures can calm an agitated soul, giving peace, hope, and a restoration of confidence in one’s ability to overcome the challenges of life. They have potent power to heal emotional challenges when there is faith in the Savior. They can accelerate physical healing."
Meditation has helped me release and erase negative thoughts, and plant beautiful nurturing ones instead. I’ve learned the value of examining my thoughts and which things I want to keep and which I want to discard. Mantra meditation helped me see the value of giving away beautiful words, to ourselves and to others.
Elder Bruce R. McConkie said, "When the book of life is opened in the day of judgment (Rev. 20:12-15), men’s bodies will show what law they have lived. The Great Judge will then read the record of the book of their lives; the account of their obedience or disobedience will be written in their bodies." My hope, one day, when I see the record of my own life and the lives I have touched; that the words I read will be beautiful, nurturing, and bold.