"she awoke from a bad dream and realized a sudden feeling of hope" caitlin connolly
this has been a rough six weeks.
up and down.
and an underlying sickness for most of it.
my brain is mostly on overload.
and at the beginning of the year i usually make my list of goals.
i made them, and then took them down.
just looking at them felt too hard.
and they didn't feel quite right.
perhaps i'm like a snake who is growing
and every day my old skin doesn't seem to fit like it did
yesterday.
tomorrow i'll be thirty five.
i look around at the past year
and see a lot of skin that has been shed.
delicate, paper-thin,
and when i hold it it, it disintegrates in my hand.
i'm left with new skin as i travel over new paths.
the rocks at times biting against my belly.
i'm used to the size of the old skin
but when i crawl around it, it doesn't fit.
but i'm not sure if the new skin does either.
i haven't traveled long in it.
i wake up
and the list runs through my head
today
i
want
to. . .
write for my blog,
go to the temple,
pick up photos,
revise a chapter,
visit ikea,
stroll through good earth,
take a walk,
meditate,
soak in a bath,
run my laundry,
listen to a new song,
bake bread,
scan pictures,
find an ancestor,
find my purpose,
start a group. . .
i'm itching
because
today
i'm already
shedding
more skin.
but
today
rather than feeling sad
and disappointed
that i can't
do
or
choose
it all
i
will
curl up on a rock
and
soak in
the possibility
of
it
all.
all.
it is all possible.
and it's possible
because
i'm
here.
alive.
and
i'm
here.
in
this
skin.
skin that is beautiful.
and i'm not held back.
by old limitations.
the old skin
breaks apart in the breeze
and
i watch it
and
let
it
go.